Saruman's Sugar Bing!
by DreamerRoni
Summary: Pretty funny! Is that really a GOLD chain the Ring of Power is on?? R/R to find out!


Saruman's Sugar Bing!  
  
(A/N) Howdy folks. This is my first LOTR FanFic. The title pretty much tells all. R/R! Enjoy.. If you haven't read Two Towers or seen the movie.don't read this!  
  
Trekking through the forests of Fangorn, we find two young hobbits, Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins. They had recently left the home of Treebeard shortly after the great battle of Helm's Deep. Then Ents had fought courageously and the hobbits deeply admired them for it. "But we are old.hmmm.and tired." With that, and a barrage of thanks from the two hobbits, the Ent left them.  
  
Treebeard pointed to the South towards Isengard and bade them the best of luck with their mission. Sam and Frodo walked, for what seemed an eternity, towards the ominous Black Gate. The black clouds surrounding the evil, piercing Eye of Sauron shrouded Sam's heart. Many times Sam sat with Frodo, as his master recovered from traces the Ring placed on him.  
  
About a league away from the border of Fangorn, Sam and Frodo stopped their quest yet again; Frodo's eyes drooped wearily, his hands absent-mindedly clutched the Ring on the chain around his neck. Sam sat nibbling a bit of lembas wafer when he looked up at a bright light surrounding a.wizard?  
  
"Master Frodo!? Master Frodo wake up! I think the White Wizard is here!" (Sam and Frodo still didn't know Gandalf is alive and reborn as Gandalf the White. He won't discover this until their talk with Faramir, the brother of Boromir.)  
  
Frodo's eyes slowly opened his eyes; he stood aghast at the sight of such evil, such hared before him. He drew Sting from its sheath, Sam following suit behind him, and stood menacingly at the white wizard better known as Saruman.  
  
"I wish not to fight, for it would be no challenge to me." Bellowed Saruman. He chuckled at the sight of the two young Halflings and their sheer determination.  
  
"Then what do you want from us? Because you're not getting the rin." began Sam but was cut off by Frodo's urgent voice.  
  
"Sam! Keep still.." Frodo said, then to Saruman. "Yes, what do you want with us?"  
  
"I've come for but one thing.the chain. Give me the chain about your neck." Demanded Saruman, eyes gleaming deliriously at Frodo's neck.  
  
Bewildered at the command, Frodo reckoned back to the Shire, back when Bilbo gave him the wretched Ring of Power.  
  
"Here, take this, Frodo. Go on.put it on!" urged to the sound of Bilbo's voice from Frodo's memory. He closed his eyes to envision the recollection.  
  
Bilbo tossed a necklace to Frodo. And not just any necklace.a multicolored, fruit flavored, one size fits all, CANDY necklace! There was a bit of twine, which the "O-shaped" candies were strung onto. Frodo looked down at the gaudy chain in disbelief.  
  
"You're planning on having me travel hundreds of leagues to the Cracks of Doom, with the One Ring to rule them all.on this?!" inquired Frodo. Bilbo looked bewildered at the hobbit's response.  
  
"Well.yes, yes that was my plan. This isn't just any ordinary candy necklace!" Bilbo added defensively at the sight of his miffed young nephew. "Elrond, in his home, gave it to me. It was his last one! And it melts in your mouth, not around your neck!"  
  
(A/N: couldn't resist!! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha)  
  
Frodo opened his eyes, releasing himself from the memory. He looked up at the increasingly impatient Saruman.  
  
"And what if we don't fork it over? Eh?" exclaimed Sam, summoning up the courage to talk. "What then you...you...big sparkly bloke?""  
  
Saruman laughed an evil, sick laugh at Sam's defiance.  
  
"Do you honestly think that you could resist me? If only the council could see this!" the wizard ranted in obvious hysterics. "Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha! I scoff at that! Now hand over the goods!"  
  
"Run Mr. Frodo! You have to finish this quest! Not me!" whimpered Samwise with false courage.  
  
"No, I'm not going anywhere without you!" bellowed Frodo. A tear dropped from their eyes. Saruman  
  
"Oh come on! Stop your pitiful sniveling!" lamented Saruman. "You'll make me loose my lunch! Now, we can do this the easy way.a.k.a. I take your necklace and go along my merry way. OR we can do this the hard way.a.k.a., I kill you both, painfully and drawn out of course, and THEN take the necklace. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!" Sam and Frodo looked back at one another. Then Frodo had a plan. As Saruman continued to laugh his evil laugh, occasionally coughing and retching on the forest floor, Frodo and Sam whispered to each other; urgently they formulated their daring escape from the crazed wizard.  
  
With in seconds, an Ent grabbed Frodo and Sam and passed them over head to another Ent, so on and so forth, until they were at the edge of Fangorn forest. By the time Saruman realized he was abandoned, the hobbits were several leagues away.  
  
The red sun set, and the two weary travelers ran away from the howls of defeat that arose from the forest canopy.  
  
Shielded by the elven cloaks of Lorien, the two hobbits walked along the river Entwash, travelling many days.finally reaching Isengard.  
  
Upon reaching the ominous tower, Frodo and Sam rested, shielded by rocks and bramble.  
  
"What was that loon on about? Eh?" panted Sam, taking a bite of lembas wafer.  
  
"I haven't the foggiest, Sam. But we have to get rid of this Ring, and the chain with it." Concluded Frodo with a nod. Then Sam became aware of another's presence.  
  
"I suppose you don't know who I am, you bumbling buffoons! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha!" screeched the counselor Wormtongue, a snake like twit of a being; he was formerly employed by the King of Rohan, Theodred. He slicked down the rock, hands clutching a rope.  
  
"You silly fools. Did you think you would slip through the hands of the most powerful wizard ever lived? And where is your friend? Oh.what was his name? Oh yes, Gandalf the Grey.Stormcrow.the Grey Pilgrim! Yes.I believe that was it.." Said Wormtongue, finishing with a cruel grin, exposing his putrid yellow teeth.  
  
"He fell in Moria," muttered Samwise, seeing his master was too emotionally distraught for words.  
  
"Saruman was right. You're nothing but a weak being, walking around with a priceless chain. But that doesn't matter now." And with that the two Halflings were bound at the wrists. All the time, Wormtongue eyes the necklace.  
  
As easy as you please, the man led the hobbits straight to the gate, opened by evilly excited Orcs and beasts.  
  
Inside Isengard was, well, actually quite pleasant. Fashionable crystal bowls filled to the brim with peppermints and lemon drops lined the stairwell. Gingerbread cookies were offered at doorways along with chocolates and taffies. Candy canes and bubble gum wreaths adorned the doors up and down the corridor Wormtongue led them down. The farther they walked, the closer they got to an insane laughter and chronic hacking and coughing, seemingly coming from behind the big door at the end.  
  
At last they reached it, each taking a large lollipop from the basket on the door before entering. Inside, a large chair with a monstrous back was turned away from the door. Wormtongue inched towards the chair. Finally he was within whispering range.  
  
"My lord," he muttered. "I've brought the scoundrels and their glorious chain." He said with pride.  
  
"No you haven't," growled Saruman, turning the chair to face the empty doorway. He looked up at the bewildered Wormtongue.  
  
"But this time," he explained. "I will let your careless blunder pass. I want them to run. It is more fun for me this way! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" "Same, I think we're getting close." Said Frodo with a relieved voice.  
  
The two hobbits stood in the middle of a four-way intersection on the west wing of the tower. The hands of Wormtongue did a poor job of knot tying, and the nimble hands of the hobbits undid these knots easily.  
  
There were signs for each hallway. One pointing to the bakery, another to an exit; there was one to the library and the last, to the Cracks of Doom.  
  
"Ooh! How convenient!" squealed Sam with joy.  
  
"And I thought we'd have to go to some mountain to get rid of this thing!" bellowed Frodo as they sprinted down the hall. Appropriately enough, there were Hot Tamales and Fire Balls in the glass dishes along the way. "Me lord, just how are we going to kill them? What form of torture, pain and anguish have you prepared for their weak and feeble bodies?" offered Wormtongue, drooling at the chance of blood shed by his hands. The wizard and he had stopped at the bakery for a Macadamia nut cookie and a glass of cold milk.  
  
"Oh let me be!. I've not had any sugar intake since my gumdrop on the way in.a good 20 minutes ago!"  
  
"Yes my lord." Replied Wormtongue, reaching for a peanut butter cookie. He paid for his gluttonous behavior with his hand. Saruman, he later said, wanted that cookie too. The hobbits enjoyed the subtle sounds of fire cracking as they walked toward the doomed inferno. (A/N: Burn baby burn! Disco inferno! Burn baby burn! Do do do, la la la! Keep on reading!)  
  
"Finally!" said Sam with a huff upon reaching the door at the end of the hall. Of course, there was a quaint little wreath with chili lights on it.  
  
Frodo thrust open the door and a cloud of smoke engulfed the Halflings. They coughed and hacked, and when the smoke cleared, they were standing in front of a basin of fire.  
  
The heat was sweltering, but the sight was awe-inspiring. The "bowl", as Sam later called it, was filled with molten lava and fire. There was about 3 feet wide of a rock pathway leading all around the pit. The pit itself was about 75 yards in width and an unfathomable depth. Frodo took all this in; then he realized where he was, and what he needed to accomplish. He took off in a spring to the rim of the bowl, Sam not far behind.  
  
"Rip it off Frodo!" yelled Samwise. "Throw in the chain with the Ring!"  
  
No sooner than Frodo began his courageous run, Saruman and Wormtongue entered through another door on the opposite side. Saruman had sugar sprinkles and cookie crumbs lodged in his beard, and Wormtongue was nursing his wound. His left hand, or lack thereof if you will, was patched up. Saruman was still muttering weak apologies and promises that was soon as the hobbits were dead and the chain claimed, he would fix it as best he could. Then the wizard noticed Frodo and his servant, and stopped.  
  
The two hobbits stared at Saruman through the haze of the blazing pit. Saruman stared at the hobbits. But Sam got ash in his eye, blinked, and the contest was over.  
  
"Ah, we meet again!" oozed Saruman, walking with an evil regality towards the hobbits. He flipped through spells in his mind that he could use for the deed that must be done.  
  
"I suppose we do." Challenged Frodo, unlatching the multi-flavored chain. "And I suppose you want this." He said, waving the candy in the air.  
  
"You don't even know." Insisted Saruman. He grabbed four chairs and invited the weary travelers to sit. His whimpering assistant joined them, hunched over his nub. He relayed his tale of running about after the Fellowship, all of them. He spoke of his ingenious plan of having his twin brother, Sauron- (A/N: Hey, it fits doesn't it! Mu-ha-ha-ha!) --Stand in for him, playing as him. This left the real Saruman to chase after his beloved chain. Gollum and he became fast friends. Gollum forgave him for torturing him out of information about the ring the previous year or so, and they followed the company together.  
  
"So, you aren't even interesting in the Ring?" inquired Sam with distrust.  
  
"Is it candy?" urged Saruman, getting sweaty at the face.  
  
"No, gold." Replied Frodo.  
  
"Oh, I don't want it then. But I know which Ring you're talking about. My brother, Sauron, might fancy having it. He mentioned something about that last night at dinner, as a matter of fact. It was thinking, it might be a pretty nice birthday present! Its not everyday that you get to see your brother turn 469!" exclaimed Saruman casually. "Do you mind if I take that too? On the offside?"  
  
"Well, actually, we've come an awful long way to get rid of it, you see. And I don't think." began Sam indignantly, but was interrupted by Frodo.  
  
"Oh, in the sake of his birthday and all," said Frodo smoothly. "You can have both. You've worked harder than we have for it. But.there is one small catch." Added Frodo stealthily.  
  
"Oh! That would be simply divine!" raved Saruman, getting up to retrieve the Ring, chain ensemble. "Uh, you said something about a catch?"  
  
"No.I said CATCH!" screamed Frodo as he chunked the set over to the edge of the bowl. Saruman lunged after it, misjudged the length, and fell into the cracks. After a few seconds of a hollow yell, the three heard a yelp; followed by, of course, the small "plunk" you hear when you drop a rock into water.  
  
"Well, glad that's over!" said Sam, grinning broadly.  
  
"Yes, me too. Now we can find Merry and Pippin and go home to the Shire!" said Frodo happily.  
  
The two hobbits left the hysterically lamenting Wormtongue and left out of a door labeled nicely, EXIT.  
  
Will they find Merry and Pippin? Are family just alike, meaning Sauron, Saruman's twin brother, have the fatal BING? Find out in the coming tales of "Saruman's Sugar Bing!"  
  
A/N: Thanks for reading this! Please review and be honest. Don't be like Simon (from Idol) but be honest. Look for a sequel soon!  
  
~BandChickeroo 


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